I came out of the closet. Does my religion matter?

Dear Cora,

Since your funeral, I've been holding something in. Holding back. As soon as people heard that a little beautiful baby was taken from the Earth at five days, I started to get flooded with religious messages. Everyone had to try to make sense of this tragedy and many used their religion to do so.

I never imagined I'd talk to you about religion on a blog I keep to spread the story of your life and death. I thought I'd support you in your religious quest as you grew up. I thought I'd take you to churches, synagogues, Buddhist retreats, anywhere you wanted to go. When I was pregnant I envisioned our religious conversations going something this:

"Mommy loves all religions," I'd say. "She truly thinks religion is beautiful. She loves learning about religion. But, she's not Christian like many of your friends probably are. She supports your choice to be whatever you want and wants to help you in your spiritual journey in any way she can."

Maybe it's the outpouring of religious sentiments that made me think because I was Christian, I would lose all support for you. All support for my life saving mission.  But, for months, I've been afraid.

Afraid to talk about it. Well, I finally did. Since other people are much smarter than me, I'm going to share some my conversations.

This is what started it on your Facebook page and then on Twitter:

And, then all of my smart, wonderful, supportive, best people ever friends and followers bombarded me with messages like these:

 

 

 

 

 

 Amongst all the love, some people asked me why I thought it matted.

And, I didn't really have an answer, so I tweeted that I didn't quite know why I was so scared, and why I felt like I had to come out, had to tell everyone. And, of course one of my friends knew why:

 

I hope people keep those prayers coming, Cora. Even though I'm not Christian, I feel them, and I need them. I feel so much love for all our followers and friends of all religions (you are a very popular little girl by the way). I don't take any prayer lightly. 

Here's how I ended things up:

I wanted to show you something very special Cora. We've created a space in our house just for you. And, in that space, a Buddhist prayer cloth, blessed by monks and given to me by a long time friend hangs next to a Christian prayer square made uniquely for you by a friend who found me and offered support at my darkest moment.

 The Buddhist prayer cloth on the left and the prayer square sent by a Christian friend on the right.

I hope the prayers, love and light keep rolling in.We need them all.

 

So yesterday I learned, your mission and your gift involve everyone from every religion, race, and nation. We can unite for you. 

I also learned there are a whole bunch of people much smarter than me. So many other people helped me last night, I didn't copy all of their messages into this post, but they deserve to be here just as much as the messages above. We're lucky girls, Cora. We have a lot of people that love us.

I'm still a little nervous to press publish on this post. But, my need to live authentically outweighs my fear. 

I got this beautiful email among many others last night. I think it might be true. The way you sparkled and shined, you certainly looked close to perfection.

I'm emailing because Twitter is too short.  I'm glad you came out.  It's very hard when you know there are a lot of Christian women out there (especially in the at home mom world).  I'm a Catholic, but not practicing.  I go every now and then, and I enjoy it when I do.  I'm not here to convert you.  I just feel now that I know you're not Christian, I wanted to tell you a thought I had about Cora.

In Reincarnation, a soul is reborn as flesh over and over until it becomes a perfect soul, then the soul receives salvation (nirvana, heaven, union with God).  I thought Cora must have been a nearly perfect soul when she was born, so close, that she only need a few days to finish that perfection.  She loved and was loved purely.  She died doing what babies love more than anything, to be in their mother's arms, warm and cuddly. 

i like to think of her as a perfect soul, better than the rest of us.

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