A letter to my daughter

Hopefully, I’m sitting in the sun right now as you’re reading this. I never schedule posts. I usually write them at 2 in the morning and my heart just spills onto the page and I hit publish, but this is one I’ve known I was going to write for a while, so I poured my heart out onto the page and scheduled this to pop up while I’m gone.

I’m writing this early Tuesday morning. For those that follow me on Twitter or Facebook, I hit a wall on Saturday and knew I needed to leave. I thought we were leaving the next day, but everything got pushed back, and Ben and I left sometime on Tuesday to camp under the stars, drive, sit on the beach, cry, and as many advised just to be.

I’ve been writing to Cora since early in my pregnancy in a private journal I planned on showing her when my hair was gray and she was having children of her own.  Instead, I'll share with you.

While I’m in the sun, I wanted to leave my blog readers one of the happiest days of my life.

I told you Cora brought extreme happiness. Her story isn’t just one of sadness.

So while I sit under the sun on a beach in Florida and look for peace, I give you my piece of sunshine.

I’ve typed the journal entry from when I found out that I was carrying a little girl, a warm midsummer's day in July:
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The page scanned from my journal.

07/22/2009
My daughter-

Yesterday, we found out that you’re our daughter for the first time. We all love you so much already! I know sometimes we’ll fight, sometimes I’ll drive you crazy, but we’ll always have the closest bond possible. We paid for an elective ultrasound. You were the all bunched up, but kept moving your legs, we could see your little heart beating. They even gave us a DVD. One day, we’ll watch it. I bought your first pair of shoes. Dad and I had an ongoing joke that he would buy shoes for a boy, and I would buy shoes for a girl. I’ve never seen your dad react the way he did. He said they were the “cutest things ever.” He loves you already.

   Ben keeps Cora's first shoes in a drawer in the desk. He wants to keep them always. I pulled them out to show you.

 We’ve got to come up with a name for you! I think I already told you how seriously we take this responsibility. A name is important. We still the like the names I already told you about, but we’ve added a couple of names. We also like the Anne or Anna, Elizabeth and Samantha. I wish I could ask you!

 Grandma Brite loves you already, too. You’re her first grandchild. She came with us to the ultrasound yesterday and was so excited. She said you’re beautiful. She posted on Facebook – I wonder if it will be around when you’re older- all about seeing you and you how much she loved you.
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