We heard it from the Easter Bunny. Finding out we were pregnant.

 Your dirty clothes are still in the hamper. I refuse to let anyone touch them. Perhaps ever. They still smell like you.

Dear Cora,

Daddy’s the one that figured it out.

“Maybe you’re pregnant.” he said. We were driving down to Indianapolis for the first birthday of my best friend’s daughter.

I was whining about how tired I was. I went from going to school full-time, working two jobs, and freelancing, to spending hours in bed and skipping class and quitting one job seemingly overnight. My breasts ached, and Daddy noticed that they were getting quite a bit “bigger.”

“No way,” I said. “Impossible.”

I always thought I would have to go through fertility treatments and “try” to have a child. I had some female issues.

We went to the birthday party. At the party, everyone commented about how good Ben was with kids. He said he liked them, but didn’t “want one tomorrow.”

We went back to the hotel after the party, and I feel asleep at about 7 p.m. I woke up the next morning early and Daddy was still asleep. I decided to venture out to Trader Joes because this was the only Trader Joes within hundreds of miles of our home. (Yes, we live in the middle of nowhere).

On the way back I suddenly found myself in CVS without even thinking much. I rummaged through the Easter aisle. This was Easter Sunday and the candy was already on clearance.

I suddenly found myself buying a two-pack of  pregnancy tests.

I drove back to the hotel and well, did what you do for pregnancy tests. I put the test down and immediately, it said positive. The test said I was pregnant.

Daddy was still asleep. I shook him a few times and he asked “what?” But I couldn’t say. “Look. Bathroom. Look.” Is all I could get out as I kept pointing at the bathroom. He asked , “why.” I replied. “Can’t. Just. Bathroom.” And kept pointing and shifting my weight from leg to leg.

He tumbled out of bed without his glasses on. I handed him the positive test, and he squinted. I think he asked “Are you serious.” Everything gets blurry a bit. We hugged. I think one of us cried. I called my best friend, the one whose little girl’s birthday we just celebrated. I still remember the words that tumbled out on her voicemail.

“I took a pregnancy test and it’s positive, what does that mean? I need you,” I said.

I called until she answered. She told me the test were almost always accurate once positive. I asked when I should take the second, she suggested immediately.

I did the whole thing you do when you test again, and Daddy waited outside the bathroom. I lead him in to watch the second test as it too at once popped up positive.

There’s a back story to this, about the house we had fled that had been infested with mice. About some problems Daddy had with certain drinks. How he had just overcome them. We had both worked hard and moved across the state to make a better life.

I remember telling him almost immediately,” well, at least we were already engaged.” We had gotten engaged about a month before.

Then we sat there for a while. We called the front desk and asked for a late checkout. Got in the car to drive home, and we both smiled in happy terror.

The entire world was different. There were three of us now. Daddy was already protective and caring. We were both terrified. And, we both said how much we loved you already. How we’d make this work. We’d changed much in the past year and we’d keep it up.

Soon, we began the round of phone calls, most inevitably began with… “Guess what the Easter bunny brought us this year.”

That Easter Sunday was one of the scariest, happiest, strangest and now bittersweet days of my life. The Easter Bunny came and brought the news that you were on the way.

I thought you’d be here this Easter to wear an adorable Easter dress and get your picture taken with an Easter basket you didn’t care about. But, that wild and crazy day has in comparison been a calm stroll through the park to what the rest of the year brought.

I miss you.

I hope the Easter bunny brought you something good this year. Last year, he brought me the best news ever. I’m so glad I get to be your mommy.

Love,
Mom

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