The happys.

I remember the first time I laughed after Cora died. I don’t remember what I laughed at, but I remember how I felt. I remember feeling guilty. I stopped mid laugh and felt so bad. I don’t remember when it was exactly, just a few days after she died. I think when people were over on the day before her funeral. I thought it was too soon to laugh, that by laughing, I was doing a disservice to her memory and what she meant to me.

After that initial awkward laugh, laughing got a little easier. In fact, when laughter does come, it’s more genuine. I laugh harder.

In the days after Cora died, I worried much about my husband. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him either physically through death or mentally from him just checking out on me. Thankfully, neither have happened. But, I realized just how much I love him. So much. I love harder now.

A month after Cora died, Ben’s sister came to visit. She lives in Atlanta and I’d never met her. She was upset about not being able to come to the funeral because of work commitments, and I got to meet my two nephews for the first time. We were instantly attached. By the end of the visit they proclaimed I was their favorite aunt. My life is fuller in many ways through Cora.

After Cora, I screamed out to spread her story, her love, and talk about how she died, of a congenital heart defect. Every day now, I hear about someone she helped, someone she changed. She’s saving and changing lives.

I laugh harder.

I love harder.

My life is fuller.

Lives are changed.

All because of one little girl.

When the sads come, I can fall back on the happys.