Comparisons can hurt.

It's human nature.

To compare. We all go there, think about how we can relate to the person telling us their story. I understand that.

But those comparisons?

Can lead to a lot of hurt. No, it's not easy to sit across the table as someone interrupts your story about your dead daughter to talk about how, oh yes, they knew exactly how you felt because their child almost died some years ago and then went on to talk about how wonderful the child was doing. It hurt. All these months later, and when people compare sick children to dead children, I still get hurt.

A long time ago, I realized it's the comparisons that really hurt. No one "wins" when we try to compare and make our grief worse than someone else's grief.

And, it's all pain. It all sucks. No matter what IT is.

In college, my dog died in my arms. I had her since fifth grade. Love her. She had cancer and was dying. The vet said we needed to put her out of pain, she had only hours. So, I rocked her while they put her to sleep. It hurt so much. I didn't think I'd ever go on.

Just because my daughter later died in my arms, doesn't change that pain.

Pain just sucks. End of story.

I'm not the only one hurt by comparisons. They rip apart communities. It's hard to write this post, because relating? Relating is GOOD. But, relating is different than comparing. Comparing means looking at a situation, usually quite quickly, thinking you know exactly what it's about it and boxing it up as such and such. That's never good.

Each and every one of you and everything you've gone through is unique and should be cherished.

Approach situations for what they are. Not something to be summed up and labeled, but something unique and fresh.

I promise to try to do the same. I might relate to help, but I'll never pour your experience or your pain into a little box and toss it aside thinking I know what it's about.


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