Great Expectations.

As writers, we’re taught to avoid clichés, only they’re cliché for a reason. They’re true.

One cliché about losing a child, or well, any big life change is that your relationships change.

And, guess what? It’s true.

This isn’t to blast anyone in my life particular. But, it’s an important topic for anyone that’s lost a child, friends of baby loss mamas, and anyone that’s gone through change. That means, all of us!

This week, a few people helped me come to a conclusion. Yes, some of my friends and family don’t know how to handle me and are being kind of jerky. But, also, I don’t know how to handle them and am being kind of jerky.

It’s like I’m a high school teenage girl pouting in the corner because her beau doesn’t do what she had in mind and doesn’t act how she thought. I expect my friends to call once a week. Even though I’ve always been an independent person and before this, didn’t have those expectations. I expect my friends to know that I need them more. I’ve told some of them as such, but haven’t been direct.

I also expect them to read my mood at the moment. I expect them to know that I don’t want to talk about anything but Cora. Or, that I want to act normal for a moment.

And, they’re getting to know the new me. I’m sure they love both me’s. Some of them might miss the old me. She’s gone. Maybe they wait thinking she’ll come back with time.

Grief lasts forever, and completely changes a person. How many times have I written that?

But, I didn’t believe it before this. I didn’t understand completely. Sure, I lost my father as a child. But, I was changed so young.

Please don’t think less of me for using a psycho babble term, but truly, this was a “break through” this week to know that as far as my relationships go, we’re all jerks sometimes.

I had a messy, wiping the back of my hand, tear filled conversation with someone I love much. One of those conversations that’s like unbuttoning your pants after Thanksgiving dinner when all done. The tensions and unspoken words. I know all my friendships won’t survive. But, I also know the ones that do will be double as strong.

And, since I’m mourning, I don’t have much time to rebuild. I only have time to shut the person out momentarily until I’m ready to deal with it again.
I’m finding expectations aren’t always so great.

It’s up to me to either find a way to lower or change them, or directly convey to my friends and family what I need. The other hard part? I’m so confused half the time, I can’t see what exactly it is I need at the time. But, at least now I see my relationships are changing and expectations on both side just aren't up to par. I'm not the person I was. Many of my friends and family might see that, but don't know what to expect. And, frankly, neither do I.


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