Green Monster

I wish I could keep Cora's blog light and cheerful and hopeful. Because, that's how she makes me feel.

But, I run here whenever I need to get something off my chest. And, the past few weeks, a weird little monster's cropped up. Of the green variety. I think most of his have dealt with him before. Jealousy. I don't know if these weird jealous thoughts come from the grief or the depression. But, I detest them.

It's weird hating an emotion you're feeling. I think I'm normal. I think we've all felt jealous before, and over quite silly things.

I'm jealous that Cora isn't here. I'm jealous when I see people doing more. I'm jealous when I see others financially stable despite their loss.

And, I detest it.

In my heart, I feel nothing but thankfulness that other babies are here and healthy. In my heart, I support all those that are helping and making great strides.

I know exactly where all this jealousy stuff comes from. It doesn't come from other people. It comes from me. My insecurities. My worries.

The only way to shake the jealousy is to own up to it. Square up to it firmly and look at it intently. That's what I'm doing today by writing about it. I hope that I can go back to feeling nothing but excitement and pure joy for others.

It's unfortunately, become part of Cora's Story, and for that I'm ashamed.

Go away green monster, I refuse to give you room to grow here.



Tweet