Learning When It's Okay to Neither Agree or Disagree

Grandma Cora (Ben’s grandma who I’m staying with for the month)  and I have almost polar opposite views on most things. We have different religions. We are strong supporters of different political parties. I suspect on almost everything we’d disagree—except I don’t disagree with Grandma. I don’t agree with her either. I just nod and say non-committal things like, “Is that right?” or “Okay.”

I’ve learned a lot from my time here. We have extremely different views, but I can still love her. Since she’s my 100-year-old grandma by marriage, I’m not about to disagree with her like I might even my own (much younger in comparison) grandmother. 

Before spending so much time with grandmother, I thought when I held a different view from someone, I needed to speak up to make sure the other person knew exactly how I felt about every little point of disagreement. After a week of nodding along and listening, I’ve learned the value of simply listening to those with whom we disagree. I don’t have to butt in and say, “But I don’t like John Doe politician.” That doesn’t mean that I agree with her by default.

I definitely don’t want to give the viewpoint that I’m suggesting we all agree with each other all the time and bury our own viewpoints and feelings—what a dull and scary world. However, not every disagreement has to be an opportunity to share my viewpoints and to try to change some else’s mind or to make sure that my view is heard.

I’ve learned a lot from Grandma Cora. No, she hasn’t convinced me to convert to a different religion, start voting for a new political party or feel a certain way about a certain group of people. Instead she’s taught me about giving space and time—even when I vehemently oppose the other’s viewpoint on a topic.

In the future, when I’m tempted to butt in with my opinion, sometimes I’ll sit back and treat whomever I’m speaking to just like I would Grandma Cora. I’ll let them express their opinion without spilling out mine. I’ll nod and treat them just as gently as I would Grandma Cora. 

I hope that’s how I would have treated my Cora had she chosen a different religion, political alliance or viewpoint.