'Dead Kids' Do Not Make Bad Legislation, An Open Letter

Yesterday, I stumbled across an article about a family in New Jersey seeking to add legislation in that state that would place an AED in every school. I read with interest, because I'm a firm believer that AEDs should be in every school and at every sporting an event. If you don't know what an AED is and are interested, it's a device that saves lives in the event of sudden cardiac arrest. This family lost their daughter, Janet, a cheerleader, when she collapsed suddenly at an event. Having an AED on site is important, because to work, it ideally must be used within four minutes, according to the Red Cross.

That's not what I want to talk about today. I read the entire article, and thought both, "Kudos to them, and I wonder how I can help their mission."  I should have stopped reading, but I browsed through the comments. Yes, the comments are often a mindfield of ignorance and rudeness, but these comments have spurred me into action. Just a sampling:

DJ_Jaws, who is in favor of this legislation, had this to offer, "Usually, dead kids make bad laws." While a commentator named IFHTC said this: "I understand that parents want a place to focus their grief but putting laws into place every time a child dies seems like overkill. Not everything should have to be a law, somethings can simply be done out of the art of common sense." Several of the other commentators mentioned how they were against laws that came as a particular tragedy.

 For the rest of my post, I'd like to speak directly to these commentators, and everyone that rolls their eyes and dismisses a grieving parent standing in front of a camera urging for some sort of legislation. I'd like to speak to everyone that thinks that "dead kids make bad laws."


Dear Uneducated Commentator:


My baby died. Now, society benefits. While from the outside you might think my crusade is about getting justice, wanting some obscure situation legislated for, or think that I'm so clouded by judgement that I could never advocate for legislation because it's needed, will help solve a public health problem, and won't cost a lot of money.


My baby died, and in her name, new legislation was added in my state. 


You are welcome. 


Your children, your children's children and so forth for the rest of history until a cure for congenital heart defects is found are welcome. 

Advocating for new legislation in the face of tragedy is not easy. I did not rashly jump to find something, anything I could introduce as a bill that was related to my daughter's death. 

I found out that something quite simple could have saved her life. I realized that the quickest way to get babies' help in my state was legislation. I realized that every baby needed something, and that in some places, delivering that to babies would mean legislation. 

You are welcome. 

I researched. I flew across the country to speak to researchers. I studied the evidence. I asked myself and others the hard questions. I went through the process of convincing a legislator. I sent that legislator more and more information, which he looked over, sent to research teams and sought out the opinion of other lawmakers--before the bill was even considered for introduction. I learned about the challenges. Was a realist about both the problem and my proposed solution. I didn't sleep some nights. I volunteered my time to save other babies. 

You are welcome. 

Families that lost a child are powerful force. One that you will never ever be able to curb. And for good reason. Emotion drives action, yes. However, we're not stupid. We don't want to harm other children or to create a bad law in our child's name. Our child's legacy is too important to us. We're smart enough to weigh our emotional needs to create something everlasting for our child versus our need to make sure our child's name and memory are remembered in the right way. We allow our child's memory to be remembered by the public, which opens up the door to people, like you, that don't get it. 

You are welcome. 

Dead children do not make bad laws. Bad legislators make bad laws. Bad information makes bad laws. 

My baby died. A law was created in her name. 

The law was made not because my baby died. A  law was made because it was the right thing to do, and because I had the courage, dedication and strength to make it happen. Without people with courage, strength and dedication, nothing good would ever get done. It takes a whole lot of people with a whole lot of courage, compassion, and strength to make change. Lucky for everyone, there are a lot of us out here--many of us have lost a child. 

You can never match the desire of grieving parents to do the right thing, bring change and do good. 

You are welcome.