Guided

I ask myself every day, multiple times a day, "am I doing what I think best, am I setting aside personal gain and personal agenda to the best of my ability to help mothers and babies?"

I have to constantly give myself this gut check, otherwise, all would be lost. I would have caved to pressure a long time ago. I don't always do what's best. I don't always do what others think are right. Sometimes in the end what I thought was best and right turns out not to be, but I do what all mothers do, I ferociously protect my daughter and try to do what I can for her.

In this case, I protect her memory and I protect other babies in her name. I've made so many mistakes along the way, that if I could have quit, I would have. But, I can't just walk away from mothering my child.

I've been bombarded with people pulling and pushing different ways so many times, that if I weren't giving myself the multiple times a day gut check, I'd be so lost and confused.

But, it's easy when I go back to that question, "will this mean that babies live and is it right?" I keep that to guide me through the tough days which turn into weeks and then before I know it I've weathered more waves than I thought possible and floated through a month of tough times. I get upset, no doubt. But, the waves, no matter how high, roll over me and I've learned how to breath under their weight.

I urge everyone to find the question then most need to ask themselves, and to ask it daily. What's important to you? What guides you?